update... err.. ramble..

So I have already written about my significant other in my blog about someone who has made my heart come alive.. 

I don't really know what this blog is about could possibly be just an endless ramble but I do know its taken me all week to convince myself to do it, between a thirteen page paper and transcribing a conversation that was 9 pages long I have had enough of putting my thoughts down for someone else to read them this last week. So I slacked on my blog (if anyone even reads it anyways).. 

Besides school I have had a roller coaster of a week, I don't really like talking about my relationship with my dad just because there isn't one and for the last 16 months its consisted of us communicating between lawyers. Which I think I can say is over..

I won..

Anyone who knows this situation and has heard me talking about it knows how much I wasn't going to give up and I didn't, my persistence and standing my ground got me some where with my sperm donor.. Dad..

My lack of empathy for him and not having any feelings towards him anymore makes it hard for a lot of people to understand. But with my childhood you learn quickly to only let someone disappoint you so many times before you just give up hope with ever having a normal relationship at least thats what I do. 

I am the hardest person to gain trust from, I do it to protect myself.. 

I have my dad to blame for that.. So many aspects of myself are because of how he hurt me.. Its honestly amazing I can be in a relationship with Tony and sometimes I let what my dad did to me get in the way of Tony and I but he is understanding about the situation which I am very thankful for..

So you would think that when I got the email from my lawyer's assistant that I had wont it made me happy.. 

It didnt..

Because I finally got what is legally mine and I know all he see's this as is my mom making me do it, me being a spoiled little bitch brat and I am sure that everyone he comes in contact with he will tell and tell them how much I suck as a child.. 

He told his lawyer to tell my lawyer to tell me (long line I know) how much he is truly disappointed in my actions and how I chose to deal with this situation.. 

That was like a slap in the face..

How could you be disappointed in me? 

You didnt leave me any other choice after calling me a trailer trash whore and telling me my life wouldnt amount to anything if I chose to go to school in Nevada and saying that I would be just like my mom.. You have no right to say your disappointed.. You havent been in my life since I was seven.. Actually correction you where never in my life because YOU didnt want me..

So all I got out of this was more anger towards him and money to finish my schooling.. 

My plans from here on out is to move forward with my life and finish school..

I'm not going to lie when I graduate I will probably send him a photo of me in my cap and gown saying I proved you wrong AGAIN..

Disappointment from a parent, having to be the adult at 20 to a 49 year old man makes you bitter..

Thats where I was this last week was bitter..

Day 1. What do you find most challenging in your life right now?

Day 2. What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3. A photo that makes you happy
Day 4. Style 31. Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5. Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6. Your most embarrassing moment
Day 7. Whats your most prized materialistic possession?
Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!
Day 9. What virtues do you value in yourself? 
Day 10. What are some of your favorite make up products? 
Day 11. Post a recipe. Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12. Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13. A Good Self Tanner..
Day 14. What do you wish for?
Day 15. Write about your dogs :)
Day 16. If you could, what would you tell yourself before you graduated high school?
Day 17. Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18. Post and outfit pic..
Day 19. Write about your significant other
Day 20. Write about school and why you love it or hate it.
Day 21. Write about your most vivid childhood memory. Post a picture of you taken over ten years ago.
Day 22. What did you do today?
Day 23. Who's your celebrity look alike?
Day 24. What is God teaching you presently?
Day 25. Style 31. Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26. What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27. Who are your favorite bloggers?
Day 28. Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29. Your day, in great detail
Day 30. What do you think is going to happen to you after you die?
Day 31. Your favorite quote